Trencin Castle, Beckov Castle, Čachtice Castle

The good thing about Piestany is that there are so many great places to visit within easy reach. I think we’ll be here for a while. Lovely!

Trencin, for example, is only 45 km away. There is no mistaking the dominating feature of this city. Dating from the 11th century, Trencin Castle, the third largest castle in Slovakia, looms high above the old town centre and can be seen from all angles. Even my scatty owners have no need for directions. Head uphill and you simply can’t miss it.

The whole castle complex is huge. There are so many parts to it: the courtyard, a barracks, an oubliette, two palaces, a rotunda. .. There is one part though, that I’d rather have given a miss. In the ‘Starvation Tower’, prisoners were subjected to horrible torture, thrown into the deep pit in the centre and left to starve. So much for the ‘good old days’.

The main castle keep, Matthew’s Tower, is a must however, if for nothing else but the views over Trencin, the River Váh and the mountains in background. Stunning!

There are plenty of medieval amusements and activities laid on for visitors, including a small falconry. Her Ladyship was thrilled to be allowed to hold this barn owl. What’s the big deal? Sure, she gets to hold a handsome seagull any time she wants. A gull can sometimes get the feeling he’s being taken for granted …

Trencin’s old town centre is charming and my owners enjoyed their stroll around. But, with the heat of the day that was in it, I was much happier when we finally sat down outside a café in the pedestrianised area, eating ice-cream and sipping lemonade, gazing up at the majestic castle on the hill. Well, there’s no need to exert yourself unnecessarily, is there?

Of course, the Oldies, total spa converts at this stage, insisted on checking out Trenčianske Teplice, Trencin spa. It turns out that it is actually 14km outside the city. At least we didn’t have to walk there! There are many beautiful spa buildings, including the famous Hamman, as well quaint shops, inviting restaurants, old churches and a synagogue. Parts of the spa have seen better days, however.

This hotel is badly decayed and, to me, it looks as if it’s being swallowed up by the vegetation. A Slovakian version of Angkor Wat, perhaps.

Pick a castle, any castle. The countryside is littered with them around here! Beckov Castle, just 25km from Piestany, is one of the most outstanding. Literally. Perched on the top of a rock, this is a real medieval high-rise! I can’t begin to imagine the logistics that must have been involved in building it back in the 13th century.

The people who live in Beckov wouldn’t want to mind being overlooked! We found the best way to view the castle was to overlook it. A convenient hill nearby affords magnificent panoramic views of the entire castle complex and its surroundings. Those little dots – a bride and groom on a photo shoot – put the whole thing into perspective. The sheer scale of this colossus is mind-boggling.

We later saw a model of Beckov in the wonderful Podolie Park of Miniatures, showing what it would have looked like in its heyday. What a great way to be transported back in time. And at this scale, little old me can feel like king of the castle!

The creepiest castle to date has got to be Čachtice Castle, famous for being one of the homes – and eventually the prison – of the notorious Countess Erzsébet Báthory de Ecsed (Alžbeta Bátoriová in Slovak), 1560 – 1614, who allegedly tortured and murdered up to 650 young girls. Legend has it that the murderous aristocrat bathed in the blood of her unfortunate victims. Ugh! The feathers on the back of my neck are standing on end at the mere thought of it. It is claimed that she was actually caught in the act of torturing one of her victims. I wonder is that what they mean when they talk about being ‘caught red-handed’. The truth behind all the stories will probably never be discovered, but it is a fact that the ‘Blood Countess’ was eventually arrested for her crimes, although she never stood trial. In 1611 she was bricked up inside the castle – with slits left open for food and air – and remained there until her death almost four years later.

The castle itself is now a ruin, but some parts have been reconstructed. This is a reconstruction I would rather not have seen – the countess’s torture chamber. I don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep tonight! During our visit, there were even actors in period costume re-enacting scenes from the life of the infamous ‘Countess Dracula’ (yet another of her nicknames). For once I was quite happy not to be able to understand a word of the local language.

With their choice of music on the way home, the evil Oldies certainly didn’t show much consideration for my feelings. First up was the Slayer album, ‘Reign in Blood’. If that wasn’t bad enough, it was followed by a selection of Avenged Sevenfold ditties, including ‘Natural Born Killer’, ‘Scream’ and ‘Nightmare’.

Bloody hell! I definitely won’t be getting any sleep tonight.