-Well, hi there! Haven’t I seen you here before? There can’t be many wooden seagulls about, not even in Portugal.

-Hiya. Yeah, quite possible. I was here a few months ago. You might have seen me then. Oh sorry. I’m Seamus, from Ireland.

-Great to meet you, Seamus. I’m Tulio. I suppose there are plenty of turnstones like me in Ireland too.

-Sure are, Tulio!

-So what brought you back to Portugal, Seamus?

-A couple of oldies.

-What?

-Sorry, my owners. They travel a lot and they bring me with them wherever they go. I must say coming here was a great surprise. Just a short while ago, I was bidding a very sad farewell to my friends, the flock in Boston, not knowing when I would be seeing them or my beloved Atlantic again. Next thing, I am on the other side of the ocean, back on one of my favourite beaches in the world. I just love Carcavelos!

-It’s great isn’t it? But all the beaches along the coast here are superb.

-I bet! And I bet the pickings are good here, what with this lovely hot weather and all. It’s difficult to believe it’s October. But isn’t it hard to do your usual running around with all these humans cluttering up the place? Just look at the crowds. There must be thousands here today!

-Yes, it’s a challenge alright, Seamus, but I don’t really mind. I have a bit of a soft spot for humans. I find them fascinating. They do all kinds of strange things!

-You can say that again, Tulio!

-Look at those guys over there knocking that football around. They’re amazing, the way they can pass it back and forth using their heads, heels, chests… I can handle stones and shells pretty well, if I may say so myself, but the humans here are something else when they get hold of a football.

-Gosh yes! Wow, are all Portuguese little Ronaldos? Believe me, I’ve never seen such skilful juggling on an Irish beach.

-Might explain the track record of Irish soccer, Seamus.

-Careful now. Dangerous territory!

-Sorry, Seamus.

-Ah, sure, no offence taken, Tulio. Soccer must be in the genes here, no doubt about it. But talking about human behaviour, one thing I find hilarious is the way half the folk here stand about in groups, knee-high in the water, chatting away to each other for hours on end.

-Don’t they do that in Ireland, Seamus?

-You must be joking! Sure, they’d freeze to death. No. Over there it’s a case of run like the clappers into the sea, swim around as energetically as you can, then dash back out to grab your towel before the shivering sets in. I always have to laugh at how they go in blue and come out pink.

-Like lobsters, Seamus!

-Yeah, exactly like lobsters! But here they’re gossiping, discussing last night’s football, doing business deals, whatever, all the while wading in the water. A bit like us seabirds, in fact.

-Haha! That’s true. But what about the surfers, Seamus? Aren’t they something else? There are some really excellent ones, but we have a lot of learners here too. It’s brilliant to witness them standing up on their boards for the very first time. I always want to cheer along with their instructors. Some of the learners are really young too, only about 6 or 7.

-How can you tell, Tulio?

-That’s easy! See that kid over there?

-Which one? That boy there?

-Girl, Seamus. Pink ‘Hello Kitty’ cap. Hello!

-Oh. Ok.

-So, she is mmmm…. 4 years, 3 months and mmmm…. 12 days old.

-That’s incredible! How do you know?

-And that boy there – ‘Spiderman’ trunks, Seamus – he’s 3 years, mmmm… 9 months and 2 days old.

-You should be on telly, Tulio. Amazing! So, what about those three there? For goodness sake, they look all the same to me. I can’t tell them apart, let alone figure out what age they are.

-Seamus, they are all the same. They’re triplets!

-Oh. So what age are they?

-You’ve got me there, Seamus. Ok, here’s my secret, but don’t tell anyone. The trick is to take a close look at the parents. You wouldn’t believe how many of them have tattoos of their kids’ birthdates. Dead easy to spot on a beach.

-Ah, good one! But what about the triplets?

-Do you think their parents have time to eat or sleep, let alone get a tattoo?

-Oh.