-Fancy a frog?

-No, thanks. Very kind of you, but I’ve just eaten. Where did you catch them?

-Just down the road. The fields are hopping with them. Haha, get it? Hopping!

-Yeah, good one!

-So, you’re Seamus the Seagull. I’ve been hearing all about you from the local wooden storks. They like to keep us real storks up to date, seeing as we’re away every winter. You’ve become quite famous, Seamus!

-Haha, quite the poet, aren’t you? Ah, but I’m not really famous. You and your missus are the celebrities around here, Samuel. Everyone knows you. Sure they even write about you in the papers.

-Are you serious? I never knew that! What do they say?

-Well, before you returned to town this year, there was a big report on how the local fire brigade had been enlisted to clean out your nest on the Gasthaus chimney. There were photos of them up on the hydraulic platform and all.

-Wow. So that explains it! Me and the missus were wondering how come the nest was so clean. I have to admit that the chicks left it in a pretty awful state last year and, what with having to feed them and teach them to fly, we didn’t have time to do much in the way of housework before we migrated last autumn.

-There you go. You celebrities get star treatment all the way! Yeah, and the minute you get back in spring there are invariably photos of you in the paper. Humans are always delighted to see you back in town. I suppose for them it’s a sure sign that summer is on the way.

-Mmmm! Maybe we could start a little business on the side and start charging people. Say, three frogs a photo…

-Great idea, Sam!

-What about you Seamus? Are you settled in here for the summer?

-Gosh no, Sam. I’m a wandering seagull. I’ll be on the move again soon. My owners are a bit disorganised to say the least, but they’re getting ready to get back on the road. Her Ladyship is busy cleaning up our nest – the fire brigade hasn’t volunteered to help her, unfortunately – and His Lordship is mapping out the migratory routes.

-God help you, Seamus, having to rely on a couple of humans to help you get around. You’re very brave!

-Tell me about it. With them two, I’m really living life on the edge!

-I tell you what, Seamus, if you survive your travels, you should write a book. You could call it something like ‘Seamus in Wonderland’.

-‘Seamus in La La Land’ more like!

-No. I’m serious. And don’t forget that, unlike the rest of us who have to travel under our own steam, you’re travelling at a different pace. And in style! In cars, trains, planes… What about ‘Fast and Furious’? Maybe you could even get your book turned into a blockbuster movie!

-Hang on, Sam, your imagination is running away with you. Has fame gone to your head or what? Anyway, ‘Fast and Furious’ has already been done.

-Really? Pity!

-Yeah, and with the Oldies involved in my adventures, I think I’d have to come up with a more appropriate title.

-Like what?

-Umm, well, ‘Doddery and Disorderly’ springs to mind…