– ‘Is that really your real name, Whacker?’

-‘Well, ok, Seamus. Between you, me and the wall, it’s not. But a city gull like me has to have some street – or rather sky – cred. My real name is Oisín. The mammy is all into this Irish heritage thing. But for god’s sake, call me Whacker when there are other gulls around. I’d never live it down if they heard my real name!’

– ‘Sure, no problem, Ois… I mean, Whacker. Do you usually hang out here round O’Connell Bridge?’

-‘Yeah. It’s brilliant. Plenty of pickings, what with all the crowds of people. But the cranes are great too.’

-‘Cranes? I didn’t know that there were cranes in Ireland!’

-‘Naw! Not the birds. The man-made variety. You know, the cranes they do all the building with. You get great views from up there.’

-‘Oh yeah, I noticed there’s a lot of building going on again in Dublin.’

-‘Yeah. It’s mad. They’re building like there’s no tomorrow. A few years ago they were complaining that there were far too many houses in the country. Now they say there are too few. I don’t understand that shower at all!’

-‘Tell me about it! Humans are strange, wherever you go. And I’ve been around a fair bit I can tell you.’

-‘Yeah. They’re never happy. But at least the Irish enjoy the craic, especially when it comes to sports. They’ve all been in a great mood since they beat the All Blacks the other day. You know, the rugby. And then the Irish soccer team beat the Austrians last night in the World Cup qualifier.’

-‘I know! Guess what? My owners are Austrian and Irish. So you can imagine the shenanigans last night, what with Himself crying into his pint of Guinness and Herself grinning like the cat that got the cream.’

-‘Ah, that’s gas, Seamus. I hope you were shouting for Ireland!’

-‘Need you ask?’

-‘Well you certainly picked the right year to come to Dublin anyway, Seamus. 2016. The centenary of the Easter Rising. Did you catch any of the celebrations at Easter?’

-‘No. ‘fraid not. Were they any good?’

-‘Brilliant! You should have seen the big parade on Easter Sunday. It was amazing. I had a fantastic view from the top of that crane over there. I tell you, I got goose bumps when that soldier fella read out the Proclamation of the Irish Republic outside the General Post Office, just like Padraig Pearse did back in 1916.’

-‘Gull bumps.’

-‘What?’

-‘Gull bumps, not goose bumps.’

-‘Haha. Right. Oh yeah, and you should have heard the speeches the President made. He’s a great chap. Hard to spot, mind, even with my sharp eyes, but he’s just brilliant. Maybe they should send him across the Atlantic to give that new guy a few lessons in presidenting.’

-‘Not a bad idea, Whacker. Not a bad idea at all.’